Loop – anonymous

August 17, 2014, 2 Comments, Written by , Posted in Uncategorized
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Excerpted from an email –

Thanks for taking time to try and share the world we live in that exists past hope and without expectations. The world of grey light and quiet drudgery that we entered thinking it was a tunnel with a light at the end of it, then came to eventually realize was simply existence, not a tunnel that we’d emerge from. I live past any sense of regret or resignation, without sadness: my world simply ‘is’.
One comment to your post on HuffPo is running through my mind on a continuous loop: “Work hard, save money!” they said. Hearing that in my mind woke me at 5:15 this morning, angry and baffled. These people’s math is worse than their empathy for “poor-ness” or whatever the hell we have. If I somehow I manage to save for a year maybe I can fill a cavity or buy a transmission for my old car. In this year I HAVE actually managed to save a couple grand, more than I have had in one place in years. Know what that is for? College for my 16 year-old. Think for a minute what 2 or 3000 dollars looks like in the scheme of a college education and come back when you stop laughing.
I am 51. There is simply NO mathematical way things will ever change for me. I’ll work until I drop dead in five or ten years so my remaining time will be spent teaching my son to do everything the opposite of what I have done.
Unfortunately I have tried as hard and as consistently as I can to be truthful, apply the golden rule and most of all be kind to people and that’s been pointless. I am not wired to tell him that those were where I went wrong. So about all I have is false hope that things will be better for him. But not much expectation that they will.
Sadness is for those who compare what they have in their lives to what they want to have. For existential frustration to exist it must have a force to fight against, a wall to push against. Where I live there is nothing to fight. You just keep running in place.
At least it’s quiet here.
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Linda

2 Comments

  1. Laurie Blanchard
  2. Laurie Blanchard

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